I can’t believe the year is almost done. This has truly been one of the most significant years of my life. I had the highest highs and the most heartbreaking lows, but I’m finishing the year with some big bucket list items crossed off and a new outlook on life, love and friendship.
I began 2018 a little bit lost. I was working two part time jobs, creating content for my own social media, experiencing a huge life change with the birth of my first nephew and contemplating what my next move would be towards the life I wanted to live. I felt stressed, overwhelmed and confused. I didn’t know what direction I wanted to go in with my career. I wasn’t getting any job interviews and my birthday was turning into a disaster. I needed some sort of sign from the universe that everything would be okay.
The first few months of 2018 were filled with stress and anxiety. I wanted so badly to find a ‘big girl’ job and start the growth of my career. I applied for, quite literally, hundreds of jobs. I would stalk LinkedIn and Indeed every day. I sent email after email pitching myself to prospective brands. But still. Nothing.
In April I went on vacation with my family and my boyfriend Blair. He had never been on an all inclusive vacation before so I was super excited to experience this fun week with him. We had the best time of our life with my family soaking up the sun and swimming away from any stress back home. I think that this was around the time I began to realize that everything would be okay and everything would figure itself out. When I got home from vacation I was given a full-time job offer close to home as a marketing and social media coordinator. I immediately quit my two part-time jobs and began the life of 9-5.
This new job was a great learning experience for me. I felt happy there. I liked my coworkers, it was 10 minutes away from home and I enjoyed the work I was doing. I spent from May-October happy as a clam. The summer of 2018 has been one of my favourite summer’s of my life. I met so many amazing new friends, went to 6 country concerts and spent my weekend’s outside with a corona in my hand. I had very little stress.
But summer came to an end. Fall brought with it cold weather and a big realization. I wasn’t happy with my friendships. I felt stagnant at my job. I needed something to change. I felt like I was constantly giving and people were taking with no regard for my feelings. I am an extremely loyal friend. I don’t let people into my personal life easily. I’ve had the same four best friends for ten years. But this year, somebody who I had become extremely close with in 2017 decided that they didn’t want my friendship anymore. It broke my heart.
This loss of friendship made me feel insecure, as it would any person. Was I a bad friend? Was my friendship not good enough? And the ultimate insecure question of all “do other people not like me and why?”. On top of all this doubt I was told that my full-time job would become a very part-time job. I felt stressed, angry, heartbroken and mad.
I spent October-November sleeping only a few hours a night. I was beyond stressed about my future and what I wanted to do. I felt like the whole world was criticizing my every move both in my personal life and on social media.
But then December came and my whole world changed. I celebrated my nephew’s first birthday. I interviewed for my dream job with my dream boss and accepted their offer quite literally 2 minutes after they emailed me it (I’ll discuss my new job more in another post!). I got rid of anybody who brought any type of negativity to my life. I finally felt sure about everything. I felt like I was going to be okay.
So this year didn’t start off on the most positive note. It had some bumps in the road throughout. I lost some friends, one of which was somebody I thought I would never lose. I hurt. I cried. I prayed. But here I am at the end of the year with my dream job, a new purpose and some new goals.
In January I will be turning 25. I will be celebrating 10 years of friendship with my four best friends. I will be starting my dream career. I’ll be traveling to places I’ve never been before. Why? Because I put in the work, sweat, tears and emails. I may have lost people this year but I gained an important lesson in that loss: my four quarters are better than any 100 pennies. Not everyone is going to like you and that is okay. I don’t have to like everyone either.
2019 I am so excited for you. You’re going to be a life-changing year in all the best ways. To those that I lost this year – I truly do wish you the best and thank you for all the good times we had. To those I gained this year – thank you for loving me for who I am flaws and all.